Today I went with a friend to her church. I have always found religion fascinating and I wanted to know what it felt like to be there amongst people who truly believed. Well I can tell you it’s both odd and amazing. Odd because initially I felt like a fake, they were all singing and had this glow of happiness whilst I was standing trying to figure out what to do with my hands.
But it didn’t suck. The pastor, not a priest but a pastor performed this, I guess you’d call it a motivational speech and I was reminded of that moment in the Blues Brothers. Okay so do you know the bit when Jake gets the light shining on him as James Brown is singing his heart out and he realises he needs to help the nuns. Well I didn’t get a light shining down on me but something even more strange happened. I started to cry. Now you gotta understand I am not your typical crying person. I went to see Titanic and as Leo sunk to his watery grave did I even sigh, no I left the cinema mascara intact, well I would have if I were wearing some.
Why did I cry? The pastor was talking about letting stuff go and asked us whether we were fighting against being let down. Well he said it better than I can. I cried and god it was so embarrassing because all I was thinking was stop crying you idiot. Then I realised the pastor knew I was crying because he told everyone to close their eyes and then he said if there was anyone who needed some support, that they were feeling upset to open their eyes and give him a wave. I opened my bleary eyes to see him looking at me. The fact it was just me and him with our eyes open felt amazing. I could cry without anyone giving me a sympathetic look or worse wanting to hug me.
Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a declaration of conversion but I’ve never cried anywhere else like that before so I am going to see what it means.